213. Glittery.

Something about these glittery balls make the festive season more jolly. Just days before the calendar shows a big two five, the thirteen of us headed down to the west of Malaysia, a city where Christmas decorations just fill the air; red white candy canes, red purple, gold, silver and white or green or why not pink ribbons and balls dress the conical trees – giving no space for the needle leaves to even breathe. It’s very beautiful and very jolly indeed but with the merry decorations that filled the walls and ceilings of malls, they shout too at your pockets almost beckoning for you to spend that lot cash kept so warmly in your pockets and bags.

So I spent. Quite a lot. Not too much yet not embarassedly few either. I have spent two days walking round and round through all the compass points of Mid Valley megamall which resulted with me having leg cramps and painful feet soles. I have surrendered from shopping, I must say. Not quite yet defeated from all the walking though for now, I am in the Genting Highlands – a long two hours drive from cititel hotel.

As I am typing this, I am surrounded with noise. Noise from talks of mouths, gun shooting and bullets thundering out from a machine gun, subtle hummering of the computer, cars honking and little pixelated people talking – yeah, I am in a cybercafe. The mouse I am currently using is utterly sticky and the keyboard is so old and is being so difficult that I literally am hitting (almost smashing if I could) every key with my fingers.

I should be back on Sunday. If I am not yet lost, it should be a Friday today. Part of me just can’t wait to be back home while the other part of me is still curious as to what else is new.

Christmas is still the best time of the year.

Merry Christmas everybody!

212. SSS reunion

NOTE: To those who received a message from me, there are changes to the details below. Please take note of them!

Hi gang!

It’s time to reunite! hehe. Everyone of SSS batch May/June 08 are invited and they can bring along one extra person with them if they want (their spouse, or girlfriend, boyfriend, sister, pet etc.) Batch December 09 are also welcome!!!

Cut to the chase, the below are the details you need to know:

Venue: iLotus, ground floor [open air]

Date: 13th December 2009, Sunday

Time: 11.30am LUNCH TIME

Theme: Gift exchange! Each person is to bring one gift that costs no less than $10 but around $10-$15. It is Christmas time after all. Pour your hearts out and be merry. IT IS NOT COMPULSORY that you should join this little game but it does mean you don’t get a gift if you don’t bring a gift.

Cost per person: $15.80 (Check it out here)

Confirmed by Friday, 11th December 2009.

Please post a comment of your name (and whoever you are bringing) and whether you can make it or not.

Please make yourself available! hehe and Spread the word to the rest of the gang!!! I can’t reach some of them!

P.S.: This event is also posted on a Facebook even thread. You can confirm your attendance via facebook as well. We’ll keep these two web pages running for this little event.

So far,

1. Audrey
2. Frankie (Audrey’s boyfriend)
3. Lin Ji
4. Dixon
5. Woan Jyy
6. Ronald
7. Henry
8. Priscilla
9. Ping Ying
10. Michelle
11. Alex
12. Kenny
13. Chuan
14. Jessica
15. Ee Tyng
16. Ren Foo
17. Jennifer
18. Jet
19. -
20. -

211. I’m feeling all jolly!

Christmas is one month’s away and I’m feeling all too jolly for the merry occasion that is yet-to-come! I shouldn’t be yet, I must say. I’m in the middle of a WAR! *roar* I have…really… 6 more papers to kill before I could put up my feet and whizz through lazily. I have been (besides studying) watching House M.D, Grey’s Anatomy and been going to the cinema! Aiyo!

BUT.

More importantly, I am feeling all jolly because I have successfully received the certificate of citizenship! I have waited for twenty-one years! Others who have received this felt this huge sense of starting fresh!  It’s like a pass to allow you to have a fresh-start! Another others, felt like it’s another big achievement – relieved and satisfied. The rest, in the course of gaining more achievements. Whatever it might be, I am very sure that all who have received felt a huge sense of content, a gush of this deep-felt thankful, happy and perhaps also a tint of patriotism that lingers in their hearts . It has been a struggle, a fight not just to obtain this citizenship but to fight against all that negative emotions that one could feel knowing that what was rightfully theirs – not given – stripped away because of one piece of paper.

I guess we all have been part of the team… long before the paper came into the picture. We have been a team even WHEN the paper is an issue. And now, WITH the paper, we don’t want to lose the team and we fight for the team and with the team.

I have always understood what a team meant. But I have only truly appreciate the meaning of being in a team when I entered Seri Siap Siaga. Why? Because it is one of those precious moments where my teammates are all seniors!! All other teams I was in before consisted of people around my age. It was easier to click, to spill our thoughts… we weren’t that shy to share our ideas. But with seniors! the very first thought that entered my head was the classic “listen and respect the old ones, they ate more salt than you have”.  This very notion always, I think, forms a barrier for us (the younger ones) to really open up and share our ideas. Well, of course, entering SSS only proved all this…somewhat incorrect. The old ones were pretty cool. (hahahaha, I could almost picture them grinning and laughing at this). We were all in a team regardless. They shared with us their experineces and we helped each other in understanding the concept of Melayu Islam Beraja. What a team!

The team now though, is bigger. It consists of every citizen of our country. And I am very proud to be in the team.

Thanks Cikgu. You know we couldn’t have done it without you. =)

210. The last time.

When was the last time I breathe? Wow. This breath I’m taking. Isn’t it something new? -____-”

So I finally noticed that car number plates here now start with three letters. I also realised that my Quisqualis hasn’t been blooming! It also hit me that I have two effin weeks left till my big big uberly big exam. I know I know. I should start revising! So who’s with me?!!!!

So I have been spending most of my time in the musuem. Looking at bones and ossified body parts. I don’t really mind since I learnt quite a deal from them but I don’t like the other things that stop me from doing that – like reports and practicals. Oh, did I tell you how we were all immuned to the odour of dead dissected rat? *grins* disgusting ey? *sniffs and shed a tear* it was beautiful.No, the body parts of the rat was beautiful – killing rats was better. haha. I didn’t say that. o.O O.o

I should be heading to campus in less than half an hour. COFFEE PLEASE~!

I think the name Brooke White is pretty.

209. FOR…WARD!

Recently I have been slacking. I have lost my drive again. Actually, to be more correct I am not sure what exactly I am up to. *gulps* I know I cannot slack NOW…anytime but just not NOW… I should not be for the next one month plus. This unreadiness and unpreparedness is getting on my nerves and I think it sort of affected the people close to me… not healthy lah.  So I tried getting rid of all this negativity. I just can’t bloody stand such pessimism that I’m feeding myself with. So so so. I watched Tuesdays with Morrie.

Sighs*

I cried. haha. For the fifth time? reading the book and watching the movie. Anyway, after last night’s movie and sleep…it’s *BARKS* FOR….WARD! =D It’s moving ON…moving FORWARD now.

On a much positive note, I got quoted in Brunei Times! haha.

We were tree planting! I really hope the trees do manage to grow healthily!

What’s next on the list? BEACH CLEAN UP! Sunday!! Pantai Jerudong! (more info)

*breathe*

208. And so I’m 21.

I should at least write something here now that I’ve turned 21. haha. But unfortunately, I haven’t much to share. No pictures whatsoever of balloons or cakes or group photos with big smiles and such. None like those. I, however, have spent the 20th of October with a two hour lecture on animal bones and a felt-like endless practical on microscopy – plant cells (it was 4 hours really). When all that was done, it was already 6pm at night. For a person who usually sleeps at 9pm… nothing much can be done or be celebrated in that what…three hours before I shut me eyes and call it a day? It was very uneventful and rather pitiful now that I have jot these down. However… however… there was a rather unexpected surprise.

After my practical which ended at 6pm – I was all tired and moody by then, I rushed back home to get myself a good bath and have planned to eat out. I had been craving for fettucine cabonara! So anyway, after getting ready and combed my hair real nice (well, to think about it now…there wasn’t anything particularly nice about my hair actually.. =/) darling came and picked me up. I wasn’t expecting anything since he did already buy me a really nice new phone as my early birthday gift… but when I entered the car, I was presented with a bouquet of roses and lilies! *grins real wide with colgate-d shining teeth* That practically made by day! night! today!

I guess that’s enough to bring a big smile on my face on the long tiring 20th of October. Like most of you, we agree being 21 is one big thing but the feeling of being 21… dang, I ain’t feeling it yet. lol. You 21? How did your birthday go?

I haven’t been occupying myself with enough revision – it was work, uni, reports, work, beabummer, work, reports, uni, reports, beabummer. IT AIN’T PROGRESS I’M TELLIN YA! =(

I have only three weeks to go before finals. As to how I am going to be ready, I have yet to find out. GAH! I’ll strive. *takes in a deep breath and let it go loudly* again.

You ready?

207. A reflection.

I’m not sure whether you have come across this situation or rather experienced this sort of awkwardness that you can’t really explain. It’s that time when you are surrounded by the type of people you might regard as your “equal” only to find out that they aren’t really there to support you. So you have that feeling of uncertainty, which part of them that you “belong” to. Of course,in the end, you’d find out that you don’t belong to any.

Some friends tag along because they know you’re all-that and you could help them in whatever they are not good at. Some friends tag along because you are simply just so easy to be with. Some friends come and go bidding a hi and bye along the way. Some friends are just too far and don’t speak to you but when you do meet them again, there are simply loads to talk about. Some friends carry with them a boundary where you only get to know them whatever they want you to know – nothing else.  But most friends just simply don’t understand. And it’s the friend that understands you the most the hardest to find, keep and lose.

I’d say I never wanted to be compared with them. I might portray that attitude at times – to beat the shit out of everyone in whatever they do so I can be the top at everything – utterly selfish. But if I were to tell you that all I have ever wanted and done was and would always be to have myself better than myself that existed yesterday and the days before, would you get it?

So, I give 100% out there – to whoever and whatever I encounter. You’d see my best and you’d like it. You’d want to “hang out” with me. But as I give 70% or 50% or less % of my attention to you, you’d start to wonder why and start to conjure all sort of mind-boggling reasons for my…well, behaviour. Proves again, you don’t understand.

So I helped because I know how and what to do. We’d be friends because you know I’m the key. But when I don’t have the answers but you do, you’d pretend that you don’t know and put on a face, slowly and persuasively convincing me that I’m alone in this. Hm.

It’s a reflection that I’m seeing now – that in the end it’s really up to me. There’s no you in this because every you that exist has the potential to make me not me. Every good intention has to be covered with a slight malice or at least a boundary.

I’ve found my best friend though – the one that is hard to find, keep and lose. I only realise it was easy to find her. She was there all along. She’s standing in front of me through that mirrored glass – the one easy to keep and easy to also lose.

And so she wrote this not very long ago.

206. When time is lost to its meaning

Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.

~ T.S. Eliot

I haven’t been very active here – that I know. I have busied myself gardening, trying new food, and have spent most of the hours tutoring and finishing my assignments. THOSE alone are enough to have me all too tired and yes, have made me call it a night everynight before 10pm. I have sent my greetings to some friends but I shall extend my greeting to whoever is reading this right now,

To all my muslim viewers and friends,

Salam Aidilfitri! Have a selamat hari raya to you and your family! It is a blessing to be able to celebrate this occasion again and be here to be part of the whole celebrative community! Maaf Zahir Batin!!

205. When time is as precious as preciousness.

Right. So the past week revolved around trying to finish practical reports that never seem like they would be done. On top of that, I was tutoring three times per week and barely managed to get some workout at the gym. Bummer. Nevertheless, last week was a pleasant week. One of seven days, I spent less than $40 at Villa Mauri to celebrate a pre-birthday-day with darling and his cousins. He was literally surprised when the waiters and waitresses came in with a dark and white chocolate truffle cake. I need toget some pictures from Cat! It was enjoyable.

And not very long after that day, I spent a few hours of the evening celebrating one of the oldest and wisest professor I know, Dr.C. I was touched to see and know how many students despite his aggressive and strict  demeanour happily and willingly organise a birthday party for him. The MAN has turned 70 indeed! It’s an achievement to turn 70! and it’s more of an achievement to look so 25! haha. =)

But I guess, most of the past week focused more on plant phylo and gastropods and bivalves and polychate worms. SIGH! I find them absolutely interesting, no sarcasm mind you but I don’t like it how we are ASSESSED on them when all I want to do is ENJOY them. hehe. like no reports but just reading and finding out what part does what and which appendage grab food and stufflikethatbah! =D

Speaking of which, I need to finish that report!

204. Keep running.

The clock is ticking, and lately it has been ticking fast. Before I could stop and take one deep breath, the lights have turned green and I’d  find myself running again, taking little breaths instead. I keep running and running, things around once seem like pictures so clear now appear a blur. Now, I’ve reached a cross-road, a point where a choice has to be made. But before I reach out my leg to step onto a new path, I asked myself what I have experienced before this.

It then hits me hard.

All I could remember are a few bits and pieces of everything – like a blur. I tried recalling- names and dates, important events and notices and all I could conjure in my mind are vague details. I shook my head and muttered, you’ve got to be joking…

I then realised how much I wanted to get to the crossroad, for it is a point on the route-to-take to get me where I wanted to go but I’ve forgotten to notice and treasure the gems laid along the path.

And so she stopped talking.

And since you’ve decided on which path to take, don’t rush and take your time for it’s not where we want to go or how fast you get there that makes you a winner, or any better than anyone else… it’s what you have gone through to get to that point that defines you.

She stood up, smiled and walked away.