To Bloom Like the Wild Flowers.

If one shall live in the ways of Epicurus of “wise, well and just”, of which wise is defined to be the avoidance of pain, danger and disease; well as healthy and just as not harming others as you do not want to be harmed, would one truly be living a pleasant life?

Or shall one live in the ways of Stoicism – that we must have absolute control of our emotions for all the sufferings in life are caused by our misjudgement – that rage, elation and depression deter one from making proper reasonings (and reason is important as Descartes showed that reason is the only reliable method of attaining knowledge) – that we are emotionally weak only when we allow it – that the world is as it is as we make of it. For instance, death is a necessity so why be depressed when depression does not result in anything good? or why get enraged when being in rage result in nothing good?

I believe I subconsciously have known them without truly encountering any of their works directly beforehand and perhaps have practiced a little of both of Epicurus’ ideology and Zeno’s idea of Stoicism without realising it. Although seemingly simple, I don’t believe every human has the capability to practice these notions on living a pleasant life. And I’m fighting still to live a pleasant life.

I looked back on some of the posts I’ve written on death. Apparently, I sounded very angry in most of these posts,and I found one when I was most heated:

“What’s wrong if I say die earlier, the better? Aren’t we all drawing closer to our deathbed with each passing day? What’s so bad or cruel about saying something like that?  IN FUCKING ADDITION, if every bloody soul out there who KNOWS we are DYING, we would have spent each day to the fullest. I don’t see that happening- majority seem to be hooked on the nose and being led by some bastard.Most people take the new day for granted. celaka.” (if you are truly curious on what I was cursing about, here.)

Anyway, I just realised that in this post I sorta have known that being depressed about death does not do any good but I was in rage – which I knew did not do any good but was in rage anyway.

Gah, as I’m typing this, it hits me that practicing Stoicism is too difficult for emotions make one realise that she or he is alive. and it is too difficult to live like Epicurus’ philosophy of life for it is impossible to rid of pain or disease, or to completely nullify one from the seven sins.

You said love is all that matters. without doubt I agree it is the most potent antidote to almost any sort of depression or sadness. it makes the world goes round. yet. it is also the most potent reason (with some exceptions) that brings one into misery (in the first place), the reason why we write tearful heartbreak songs (when not very long ago an ‘eternal’ love song was written), the reason why we have hatred (when we promised ‘forever’ not so far back in history).

Beautiful anecdote could truly be touching only if someone cried of love, someone fought for love..someone sacrificed and died for love. The belief that every individual was made with a partner and the human soul is in the pursuit to reach out for the other half have caused many hearts to break in this pursuit. and. possibly, some of these broken hearts would never know how to love again. they’d doubt forever. they’d doubt eternity. there’s no such thing. will there ever be?

yet.

it is the only silly thing (if we can even call it a ‘thing’) worth fighting for, worth breaking for, worth dying for, worth being miserable for. the reason why heart break after heart break, one would always still, no matter how minute, still hopes and yearns for love.

and that. was when i realise how silly we humans are.