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四十七. C’est la vie.

If one shall live in the ways of Epicurus of “wise, well and just”, of which wise is defined to be the avoidance of pain, danger and disease; well as healthy and just as not harming others as you do not want to be harmed, would one truly be living a pleasant life?

Or shall one live in the ways of Stoicism – that we must have absolute control of our emotions for all the sufferings in life are caused by our misjudgement – that rage, elation and depression deter one from making proper reasonings (and reason is important as Descartes showed that reason is the only reliable method of attaining knowledge) – that we are emotionally weak only when we allow it – that the world is as it is as we make of it. For instance, death is a necessity so why be depressed when depression does not result in anything good? or why get enraged when being in rage result in nothing good?

I believe I subconsciously have known them without truly encountering any of their works directly beforehand and perhaps have practiced a little of both of Epicurus’ ideology and Zeno’s idea of Stoicism without realising it. Although seemingly simple, I don’t believe every human has the capability to practice these notions on living a pleasant life. And I’m fighting still to live a pleasant life.

I looked back on some of the posts I’ve written on death. Apparently, I sounded very angry in most of these posts,and I found one when I was most heated:

“What’s wrong if I say die earlier, the better? Aren’t we all drawing closer to our deathbed with each passing day? What’s so bad or cruel about saying something like that?  IN FUCKING ADDITION, if every bloody soul out there who KNOWS we are DYING, we would have spent each day to the fullest. I don’t see that happening- majority seem to be hooked on the nose and being led by some bastard.Most people take the new day for granted. celaka.” (if you are truly curious on what I was cursing about, here.)

Anyway, I just realised that in this post I sorta have known that being depressed about death does not do any good but I was in rage – which I knew did not do any good but was in rage anyway.

Gah, as I’m typing this, it hits me that practicing Stoicism is too difficult for emotions make one realise that she or he is alive. and it is too difficult to live like Epicurus’ philosophy of life for it is impossible to rid of pain or disease, or to completely nullify one from the seven sins.

四十三. I owe it to him.

Each time I stare at it. It reminds me of the many moments shared. I owe it all. I owe it all to him.

四十二. Two faces of the same coin.

You said love is all that matters. without doubt I agree it is the most potent antidote to almost any sort of depression or sadness. it makes the world goes round. yet. it is also the most potent reason (with some exceptions) that brings one into misery (in the first place), the reason why we write tearful heartbreak songs (when not very long ago an ‘eternal’ love song was written), the reason why we have hatred (when we promised ‘forever’ not so far back in history).

Beautiful anecdote could truly be touching only if someone cried of love, someone fought for love..someone sacrificed and died for love. The belief that every individual was made with a partner and the human soul is in the pursuit to reach out for the other half have caused many hearts to break in this pursuit. and. possibly, some of these broken hearts would never know how to love again. they’d doubt forever. they’d doubt eternity. there’s no such thing. will there ever be?

yet.

it is the only silly thing (if we can even call it a ‘thing’) worth fighting for, worth breaking for, worth dying for, worth being miserable for. the reason why heart break after heart break, one would always still, no matter how minute, still hopes and yearns for love.

and that. was when i realise how silly we humans are. :)

Protected: 四十一. It bloomed a day. or two. then none at all.

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四十. Fledermäuse.

It’s been awhile since I last updated my blog. After the trip to Kuala Lumpur, I can’t recall how I’ve spent the remaining few weeks of my holiday before semester started again.

This final year of undergrad study, i’m working on bats as my thesis. Bats?

haha.

So okay, maybe I’m a bit crazy to take up this as my thesis but I have been out in the wilderness – radio tracking this one specific species of bat. And yes, I’m talking about the winged mammal that is most commonly associated to Count Dracula. -_-’

 Alas, the species of bat I’m working on does not suck blood. (hehe). It’s an insectivorous bat that live in tree holes. I’m working on Kerivoula intermedia. I’ll update this blog again when I’ve got more to share – or rather, enough time for me to upload photos and share all the interesting experience I’ve gone through the past few weeks. :)

Until then~ aufwiedersehen! ;)

三十九. still on foot.

Quite frankly while browsing all the photos taken while I was in Kuala Lumpur, it seemed like I was having lots of fun – although I cannot seem to remember that I really did. haha. All I could remember was I was sweating, and got bitten by lots of mosquitoes. Although to some, that’s part of the package, having fun, get all hot and sweaty – tells you you’re in a hot country watching caged wildlife. I, on the other hand who occasionally work in the forest, where one does sweat a lot since it’s humid in the forest, and one does see wildlife – not tamed or caged – so having gone to the wildlife mini zoo in Sunway was only partially satisfying.

However… having said that, I do recall some interesting animals I’ve come across. I especially recalled this blue bird with beautiful crown feathers. It wasn’t caged but let loose with some other beautiful birds. It was nice that I got the chance to get up close with some of the world’s most beautiful birds. *grins* I remembered visiting Aussie’s little wildlife park and came across kangaroos roaming freely within the compartment – that was fun too. nyehehe.

After visiting the birds, we came across some funny cute looking mammals. One monkey was sleeping like a man while another mammal looked so… well, i’ll have the picture describe it.

what chu lookin at?

I wish I had taken more photos – good ones at least. Most of the pictures I have are either shaky ones or us sweating like we had stood under the rain – there was no rain though. lol. <.<”

For the rest of the upcoming week, I’d be busy designing more layouts and if not, head to the gym to work out these fats I’ve just gained from KL trip. haha.

peace out. hehe

三十八. all on foot.

There were many people in every direction. At first, it was exciting – got you thinking you’re not at home, you’re out shopping in a huge mall with pockets of cash. A few days later, my legs were sore, I ended up eating too much food – all good good food though – and nothing feels better than to board a plane and head back home. MidValley Kuala Lumpur was a busy place. I spent most of my days in Kuala Lumpur walking inside the big mall, except for one of those five days where we (I with three other companions) to Sunway Lagoon/ Sunway theme parks and Sunway Pyramid. I wouldn’t give much of a star to that place.. quite honestly and most unfortunately, I didn’t like that place very much – perhaps it’s because i’ve been to much much much better theme parks, but ultimately it was the weather. Walking under scorching sunlight from one theme park to another was.. U.G.H.

Having said that however, there were few instances where I really enjoyed myself. I enjoyed the wildlife area – maybe because it’s related to my field of study. For instance, I enjoyed feeding the rabbits.. they ate spinach so quickly I’m not sure whether the zoo keeper fed them enough (or have they deliberately starve them so that we could feed them rabbits? O.O?? )

uberly happy feeding rabbits

And after long long walks, we eventually stopped and paid for fish spa while having our lunch which was, as Dixon puts it: the highlight of the trip. haha. That, of course, wasn’t all that true. We managed to say hello to alot of other amazing birds and reptiles. Although, quite frankly, the best zoo I’ve visited so far would be that of Singapore’s. Thumbs up.

Hmm, I’ve much to share but I’ll stop for now. I’ll be picked up soon. hehe

三十七. traps and uhh..gosh, trapped.

My legs now hurt pretty badly. well, they are sore. I’ve been out training for small mammal trapping, getting myself ready for the planned Sg,Ingei expedition. I am not sure whether I’d still be going. The thought of participating in such prestigious expedition is exciting but I now doubt my own capability and much of my family members though supportive are quite concerned as Sg.Ingei is well… quite frankly, w.i.l.d.

I have been anticipating for this expedition since a year ago – literally. And now, when the time has come for me to choose, I feel disappointed even in myself to back out – or at least, thusfar is my current position. I have signed up to be one of the volunteers. I loathe to break my lecturer’s “faith” in me for pursuing this voluntary work but. sigh. but, at this moment, i have competing feelings whether or not to go.

most of me has already decided against it.

oh, guide me.

三十六. All beautiful gifts.

I must say it has been quite awhile since I’ve last updated this page. Reading Viequesguys‘ entry sort of reminded me I have this rarely noticed unspoken unheard blog that I once, well still own. From where I left off, it’s too difficult to continue…too much has happened although much of the time were repeated sequence of events – such as rambling on the fact that there was too much to do and too little time to finish (when most of the time we were just plain lazy to lift a finger to press them keys on the all mighty keyboard) or complaining out loud that one is fat when clearly, one could see bones jotting out of the skin – okay, maybe not that bad but amidst the awesome workload we had, there were much frowns and complains-most of the time, just for the sake of doing so, but there were many laughters and grins too.

To those that never understood what us biologists are doing, the following might give you an idea.

We were assigned to set out on a journey to any forests in our country to collect plant specimens. The rare ones are better. The flowering, fruiting ones are better. The difficulty of this assignment? – we cannot enter any recreational forests or protected forest reserves. In other words? we had to be like ninja turtles set on a mission being all green with awesome tools to work with in forests with no trails….

Did we become like one? well. partially. our awesome tools were some poles, secateurs, scissors, a notebook, pencil…no, we did not paint ourselves green.

In the end, we collected some nice specimens – in the sense that some of us had great flowering, fruiting specimens.  We were supposed to collect just ten specimens but the process of collection, drying, identifying, mounting – took us two months.

But gosh, that’s barely a quarter of what we’re supposed to do for one course. We had to remember the Order and Family names of at least 50 plant specimens, their relationship and taxonomical significance. Pretty nifty stuff but very interesting.

But say you ain’t interested in plants and you’re not particularly curious about the immobile creatures I find fascinating – surely, you’d be interested in little chicken?

Seriously.

Little chicken.

Chicken embryo

We had to do some experiments – understanding its developmental stages, i.e.: when organs start to grow, which organ(s) grow first, testing FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome), etc. These experiments tested our carefulness – we were dealing with a live specimen to which its growth depended on our skills. We got really close to our “babies” – we had to incubate the eggs. We gave them names; X-men. lol.

Interestingly too, we spent much of our time studying the behaviour of animals. Why animals behave the way they do – is/are there any underlying reason(s) for their behaviour? Our targeted animals were the monkeys, the pigeons, and the mice. Thanks to this course, I sort of, could make out why my dogs (two males) fought madly over a really old bitch. The two males are no longer friends I’m afraid.

The highlight of the last few months of work I have to say would be our trip to Maliau Basin, KK. Not everybody could reach that basin. Not everybody could survive the terrain there. We were the few lucky ones that were financially supported (thank you so much Dr.Charles and UBD!). We spent one week in Maliau Basin Field Studies Center. I chose to be in the birdie group – we were assigned to record all the birds we observe and managed to identify. That one week was fruitful – from my point of view. I could identify birds much easier now. Above all, I’m very very glad that I managed to observe beautiful hard-to-see birds.

Woodpecker.

To some, we’re “pretty sad” people – because we barely able to catch up with friends, we barely had time to sleep properly, we did not chill out or catch a movie until our semester end. Yet some others, find us the few lucky lot that could and managed to get a little closer to God’s natural gifts. In truth, everyone could do what we’re doing but urban-designed comfort has created bodies that are not fond of forest-trekking or camping out. It’s tough living in the forest but it’s one breath-taking, fulfilling, priceless experience.

I saw. I heard. I conquered.

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